Two Boys in a Balcony
Fear (1996)

Fear (1996)

March 25, 2020

STAY IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!

Well, well, well, Marchy March has certainly taken a turn. Despite repeated pleas from the Balcony for Mark Wahlberg to beat the shit out of Covid-19, the response has been tepid. Scientists have argued that a punch, no matter the star power attached, can "beat" the "shit" out of a pandemic-level virus. OK SCIENCE. Instead, a few days before the world fell apart, the boys gathered once more in the Balcony to record an episode about the 1996 movie Fear. Is the timing of this episode's movie's title bad? YES. YES IT IS. But it's fun and it's a fun movie you guys should visit or revisit depending on your previous visitations. It's Fear starring Mark Wahlberg, Reese Witherspoon, William Petersen, other people. 

We have a bonus episode coming soon and then we are out of content for the moment. We're going to try and do some watch along things on Zoom or Instagram or Facebook or some one of those things so follow us on facebook at facebook.com/balconyboysshow and stay safe. We don't know when we'll be back in the balcony but we're gonna keep on being America's dumbest film critics and washing our hands with our butts.

Rock Star (2001)

Rock Star (2001)

March 18, 2020

WARNING: Before consuming this episode of Two Boys in a Balcony, please consult your doctor to see if Rock and Roll can work for you. 

It's week three of Marchy March and sweet shit, Bill's happier than a pig in a pile of Rock Star dvds (if you don't like it, you write the copy, McMorrow!) It's the fictionalized, unauthorized dramatization of the Tim "Ripper" Owens story! You know... the story of the guy who replaced Rob Halford in Judas Priest because... I... don't... know. Bill, we forgot to talk about Tim "Ripper" Owens! Goddammit. Anyway, this is a movie and it stars Mark Wahlberg and it's probably very homophobic BUT WHO IS TO SAY? Stand up and shout! Rock Star stars Mark Wahlberg, Rachel from Friends, McNulty from the Wire, Peter Pettigrew, the sheriff from Deadwood, and Elvis Fucking Presley

The Lovely Bones (2009)

The Lovely Bones (2009)

March 11, 2020

On a very special Two Boys in a Balcony, the boys are taking about their favorite subject of all... movies with Mark Wahlberg in them! How do you follow up arguably the three most ambitious literary adaptations of all time? With a flawed remake of a giant gorilla movie. How do you follow up your flawed remake of a giant gorilla movie? WITH ANOTHER LITERARY ADAPTATION! Today, the boys are diving into the 2009 Peter Jackson film The Lovely Bones based on the best selling novel and almost starring Ryan Gosling. That's right. Little did we know when we set the schedule that the second week of Marchy March, the Funky Month would be about a movie that our beloved Mr Wahlberg joined only a day before filming starts and it shows! Come see why Peter Jackson had no choice but to rush back to the world of Middle Earth with nine (9) more hours of hobbit based cinema. It's week 2 of the Funky Month! Feel the vibrations, both good and not good. The Lovely Bones stars Mark Wahlberg, Lady Bird, the Tucc, and other people probably!

Bonus - Marchy March Madness 2020

Bonus - Marchy March Madness 2020

March 9, 2020

The boys walk you through the 2020 Marchy March Bracket which can be found exclusively at facebook.com/balconyboysshow probably!

Boogie Nights (1997)

Boogie Nights (1997)

March 4, 2020

YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT'S ABOUT THAT TIME TO BRING FORTH THE RHYTHM AND RHYME!

That's right! It's the first week of Marchy March, the Funky Month and we're peaking early this year with what might possibly be the best film we've ever covered, Paul Thomas Andderson's masterpiece, Boogie Nights. Would you watch [REDACTED] where [REDACTED] [REDACTED] up the [REDACTED] all while {REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED] in [REDACTED] [REDACTED] [REDACTED]? Yeah you would. Boogie Nights stars the Patron Saint of the Podcast Mark Wahlberg and honestly that's enough.  

The Stepford Wives (1975)

The Stepford Wives (1975)

February 26, 2020

Loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove is in the air as in Sean is in looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove with this week's movie. Holy moly. If you don't like the hornier episodes of the Balcony, turn back now. Today, we watched the 1970s cult classic, The Stepford Wives. Get your Matthew Broderick 2000s remake the hell out of here. We took the delorean back to 1975 and frankly, Sean is never leaving. Bill left. What do you think of when you hear Disneyland robot? Grover Cleveland? I genuinely hate trying to write these things up every week but it would look stupid if there was nothing here right? Right? The Stepford Wives stars Katherine Ross and Mrs Sean Sullivan

The Lighthouse (2019)

The Lighthouse (2019)

February 19, 2020

Avast ye landlubbers and ahoy and wicky! It be the Balcony wit Two Lads and the seas be raging. A squall blew in from the south and dar she blows! All right. Enough. It's your weekly trip to the cinema with America's Dumbest Film Critics and we're here today to do our goddamnedest to crack open Robert Egger's 2019 puzzle the Lighthouse. We've each seen this movie twice now and for the life of us, we have no idea what is going on and/or why but we like it? Have you given as much thought to mermaid genitalia as Robert Eggers? As us? Well be prepared for the anatomy lesson of your life and spoilers abound probably. Honestly, if I tried to spoil this movie for you, I'd be getting almost every detail wrong anyway. The Lighthouse stars Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe and no other people. 

The War of the Roses (1989)

The War of the Roses (1989)

February 12, 2020

Happy Valentine's Day everybody! Today the Balcony is full of love! Bill's got his Cupid wings on. Sean's got his Cupid diaper on. We love love and it makes us want to kill each other more than ever. Today in the balcony, the most romantic film of all time, Danny Devito's pitch black comedy The War of the Roses. Boy howdy, to quote Sean's mom, "that movie is sick. It's a sick movie." What happens what people stop loving each other and start getting real? Sorry my kid has the flu. This intro sucks but this episode is chock full of Grade A certified Balcony goodness. The War of the Roses stars a sexy Michael Douglas, a sexy Kathleen Turner, and the sexiest Danny Devito

The Shining (1980)

The Shining (1980)

February 5, 2020

HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERE'S PODCAST!

You know all those times we said that Two Boys in a Balcony is about films set in New England, feature New England, about New England, or say the words New England? Well we're stretching that to the absolute limit today as we talk about the Shining, the most New England film ever made that's set entirely in Colorado. But fret not, Shelley Duvall does at one point say, "Vermont" and that counts! It's the Stephen King masterpiece that he absolutely hates... check into room 237 and listen to America's Dumbest Film Critics talk about Stanley Kubrik's the Shining. The Shining stars you know who the Shining stars. Stop being dumb

The Flight of Dragons (1982)

The Flight of Dragons (1982)

January 29, 2020

Guys... we screwed up and watched a weird 1982 DIRECT TO VIDEO animated movie from Rankin/Bass called the Flight of Dragons that sucks and the best thing we can say about it is that we snapped half way through the episode and just stopped recording. So it's a short one this week but we're back next talking about an absolute New England masterpiece. We love you. Rate, review, subscribe or  don't.