Two Boys in a Balcony
IT Chapter Two (2019)

IT Chapter Two (2019)

September 18, 2019

Welp nothing floats forever. This week in the balcony, the boys bid a fond farewell to Derry, ME with their most recent movie yet, 2019's IT Chapter Two. The boys gathered the balconeers and headed to the cinema on opening night and will recount you with their tale of surviving a two hour and fifty minute sequel. How much popcorn is too much? Where should you deposit the excess? Would you believe that the key to defeating an ancient cosmic evil is to study with the Roastmaster General Jeff Ross? IT Chapter Two stars Professor X, Miss Sloane, Stefon, Ziggy, a guy on a horse, another guy, and Pennywise the damn dancing clown. Just call us angel of the balcony! It's Two Boys in a Balcony. Pray for us!

 

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IT (2017)

IT (2017)

September 11, 2019

Everything floats in the balcony... because we put root beer and ice cream on it! Hey! It's the longest goddamn episode of this very fun and popular podcast and CONGRATULATIONS TO THE BALCONY BOYS! It only took 13 episodes till we finally made one that was longer than the movie we watched! It's a spooky one today because we're talking about the 2017 re-adaptation of Stephen King's IT directed Andy Muschietti, just in time for the sequeal IT Chapter Two to hit theaters. We tackle all the big issues. What's different from the book? What's different from the 1990 mini-series? Can you handcuff a moose? Has Sean ever read a book in his life? Who can say? IT stars Bill Skarsgaard, a red balloon, 11,000 little kids, and a can of perafin wax. 

To Die For

To Die For

September 4, 2019

Ripped from the tabloids, it's Two Boys in a Balcony and we're talking the steamy, black comedy To Die For directed by Gus van Sant. Have you ever wondered what teachers the balcony boys are still pining for? Have you ever wanted to somehow know less about Pamela Smart than you did before? Well you're in luck cause class is in session and Professors Sullivan and McMorrow are here to teach you the Golden Rule: rate, review, and subscribe. To Die For stars Nicole Kidman, Matt Dillon, Joasfkasdghna;lskerqn Phoenix, a probably pre-scumbag Casey Affleck, another person, and David Cronenberg. 

What About Bob

What About Bob

August 28, 2019

Today on a somber episode of Two Boys in a Balcony, the boys are taking a look at the harrowing expose on mental illness from the early 90s, What about Bob? A very serious study of the decline of the modern man, this... just kidding this thing is silly as shit and we're here for it! Can a movie starring two of Hollywood's most reliable leading men who absolutely hate each other on sight succeed? We think so. It's a fun one and most importantly, it's a good one. What About Bob stars Bill Murray, Richard Dreyfuss, Julie Hagerty, the lady from Law and Order Criminal Intent, the kid from Hook, a goldfish in a mason jar, and my man, Reg E Cathay. It's What About Bob on Two Boys in a Balcony!

The Parent Trap

The Parent Trap

August 21, 2019

Let's get together yeah yeah yeah and talk about this movie in the Balcony! Hey! It's the Balcony Boys here with what we hoped would be our most wholesome episode yet but almost certainly is not. It's the 1961 classic Disney picture The Parent Trap! What's the legality of separating identical twins in a divorce custody battle? Is this a fun children's romp or an indictment of the American judicial system and the breakdown of traditional family norms? Who gives a fig? It's the Parent Trap. The Parent Trap starts Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills. It's the Balcony Boys with *extremely Coors light voice* ttttttttwwwwwwwwiiiiiiiiinnnnnnnssssss

On Golden Pond

On Golden Pond

August 14, 2019

Unswamp that canoe cause the Balcony boys packed a picnic and they're headed to the richest body a water this side of the Mississippi that is also in New Hampshire, On Golden Pond or maybe Golden Pond. Is the "On" part of the name of the pond or just the movie? These and other questions won't be answered within the confines of this particular podcast but Sean will sing a "very funny" parody of Lil Nas X's "Old Town Road" and Bill will not know who Lil Nas X is.... and you know what? Maybe neither will you if you're listening in the distant future... so here's a refresher: "Montero Lamar Hill, known professionally as Lil Nas X, is an American rapper, singer, and songwriter. He came to international attention for his country rap breakout single "Old Town Road," which achieved viral popularity on the video sharing app TikTok in early 2019." 

Wait... what the fuck is TikTok? "TikTok, also known as Douyin in Chinas, is a popular social media app that allows user to watch, create, and share 15-second videos shot on cellphones..." So TikTok is just long Vine? This world has passed us by but don't let this episode pass you by. 

On Golden Pond stars Henry Fonda, Katherine Hepburn, Jane Fonda, Dabney Coleman, a distressing amount of youthful punks, a wacky mailman, and a pond made of Gold. Rate, Review, Subscribe, Canoe, Love.

Hot Summer Nights

Hot Summer Nights

August 7, 2019

It's the dang dog days of summer and instead of using the balcony to shield us from the heat, America's dumbest film critics Bill McMorrow and Sean Sullivan are up in the balcony, baking in the heat of the 2018 AT&T/DirectTV joint production Hot Summer Nights, a movie that deserves a bigger audience than surely it has ever had. Buckle up, there's a lot going on in this one. Would you ride your motorcycle in the rain? What would you do if they put jimmie's on your ice cream? Does anyone outside the MetroBoston area know what a jimmy is? Hot Summer Nights stars Timothee Chalamet, Maika Monroe, Alex Roe, a lollipop, Alfred Molina, a pesky 12 year old, baby formula, and reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefer. It's Hot Summer Nights in the Balcony! Rate, review, subscribe, don't stop the pod to watch T-2.  

Mermaids

Mermaids

July 31, 2019

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, listen to this podcast like its your wife. From my personal point of view, this is a podcast to listen to. MERMAIDS! This week in the balcony, we're splashing around with Cher, Winona, Bobby, and the gang and we're talking MERMAIDS, a movie so nice they had three directors. Did you know that? Well you will in the next 90 minutes. We get into this charming little picture and sing a whole bunch. I can't remember what else happens but who cares? Listen, rate, review, and don't go up in the bell tower when you're drunk. What's the matter with you? It's Mermaids with the boys and no, we don't know why it's called that either. 

 

The Stranger

The Stranger

July 24, 2019

Grab a bucket of scrap paper and head to the woods. Today in the Balcony, we're talking the 1946 forgotten classic the Stranger, directed and starring Orson flipping Welles. Hey who reupholstered all the chairs up here? It's looking classy as shit in the balcony. Have you ever suspected that your teacher at your prestigious prep academy might be a Nazi? Well have we got a film for you. The Stranger stars Orson Welles, Edward G Robinson, Loretta Young, an annoying pharmacist, a dog of indeterminate color, and an obsession with clocks that borders on mania. Join America's Dumbest Film Critics as we audition to replace whoever hosts the movies on Turner Classic Movies. Is it Robert Osborne? WATCH YOUR BACK, OSBORNE!

Outside Providence

Outside Providence

July 17, 2019

This week in the balcony, the boys finally make good on their promise to cover the films of New England and step outside the comforts of their beloved Massachusetts and land in Pawtucket, RI, a city that is very much Outside Providence. That's right! It's the 1999 stoner comedy about a boy named Dildo, his buddy named drugs, and a three legged dog named dog? I don't really remember. But he was three legs. Does this film hold up 20 years later? Did it hold up 20 years ago? Outside Providence stars Alec Baldwin, Shawn Hatosy, Amy Smart, and the beautiful city of Outside Providence. You don't have to be a grad student at Brown University to enjoy this show. Just a fan of insightful commentary from America's Dumbest Film Critics.